i finally got to meet my jae yest... ok meet is not the right word. saw is more like it. I couldn't keep my eyes off him even though he was like ard 200 metres(?) away from me. Icouldn't really see his face but my eyes are drawn to him immediately. my jae my jae. I couldn't believe it. I was so sad and empty last night because I thought that the boys deserve so much better rather than just a small red ocean like us and how they used to have better, better host better response better everything. I felt so ashamed when we couldn't really sing Ay girl and the boys had to listen to the silence. i felt empty because while I saw my gods! My beloved five was not together. I heard Su's Voice! saw his sexy body wave and Jae's laughter. Omo it was a short one but so distinctive. I never thought I would hear his laughter live in person. When the vid played and Jae was talking abt how he thought he couldn't be a singer anymore I swear I nearly cried. tears were rising in my eyes. i swear if i saw him any nearer I would have burst into tears.
my boys my boys they must be so tired. Flying everywhere just for a 1h30mins showcase. Jae looked so tired and shy. Su looked fit. chun.. was... a tease. haha.
seunghoon was the mc (shocker of my life) and the mc sucked but no more hate on him cuz this post is all about my boys.

Shockingly it was today after I read all the fan accounts abt the showcase that I felt so surreal. that i really saw him yesterday. my jae my jae. damn my retarded feelings system that takes forever to kick it. damn it! My jae... stepped foot here. I really hoped that they will come back for a concvert and they are not discouraged or turned off by the management and the bad host and everything... my boys.. They are supposed to be the rising gods of the est. They deserve so so so much more. so much more that i can ever give them. i know that the chances of them getting back together is almost non-existent.... but i just hope they are happy. Maybe one day.. maybe one day they will stand on the stage as one again. and I would have saved enough money. to see the gods as 5 performing again. one day. I will.