patient: Serena Toh Shu Xian

Condition: Suspected Insanity

Proof: humming to 'I like big butts' in the midst of the biology exam. unable to get
song outta head. Gets high on Ice Mountain and Fat on Air

Diagnosis : Certified insanity




i still cannot forget the prayer i made to him that night... I go to him in the lowest of times and I'm often very guilty of that.. I prayed for him to take me away.. to leave everything behind and take me away please... It was filled with the screams of my deepest soul.... I somehow til now cannot face that part of me.. i cannot say i dun want that.. i dunno but i can't face it... just like i can't face that piece of ppaper yet... But one day.. I believe i'll be stronger and I can

lazy decided to just blog a bit before heading to hopefully study.. just woke up at abt 1158 am... feel asleep last night at about 3...
Last night i went to sleep at about 10.38pm planning to wake up at 11 to start studying.. bro only woke me up at 12... i started a bit then i got a few msgs and called gary. It was almost 1 then and i woke him up. Sorry bro. Thought you might have been awake, should have sms-ed you first. wasn't thinking clearly. Sorry again. then bitched at him until abt 1.30 or so then i let him back to his sleep... then studdied til abt 3 then feel asleep and you know the rest...

recently in case you guys dunno, the group had one of mass conference which we were famous for.. on a school night. (elseside from nic... shut up b**tch LOl) yea it was good.. it's been a hell of a long time. I was drifting in and outta sleep at abt 2 plus.. what... i was lying on my bed you can't blame me... nathan was overly energetic at freaking 3 am which resulted in me screaming vulgarities at him to shut up.. lol... sry dude.. bad timing.. now u know it ain't good to scream ninja every 5 seconds into the phone at 2, 3 am.. hahha...
but yea the following day read nic nats and ding's blog and was watching the photolog of NONG NONG AGO... and i felt that yea ding's rite... and i really appreciate you guys.. what else more can a girl ask for? 3 great friends whom i can call up at any god forsaken timing and bitch and they listen (perhaps not nic considering the fact that if he's dead to the world he can't sense his phone :D but i know he's there always :D) and they give me advice some to bring me back to reality, some to work things out.. some to just plain make me laugh.. anything and everything... To do all the lame-ass crap and every other thing.. .I couldn't have asked for any other better companions to grow up with... It's only been a few years that we've known each other.. (esp nathan.. i only got to know him last year) but you guys have made me so deeply rooted... thank you guys.. seriously...

ok i know i'm getting a little emo-ey.. and er.. mushy perhaps? so i'll stop now. *grabs alcohol* here's one to the group, for the past and for the future....

don't feel sorry for me... don't let your hearts ache for me... I'm not worth it... the more sympathetic you guys get the harder I'll become and when i finally break... it'll be a hundred times worse because I'm a true Leo, a prideful Leo. I know you guys have seen me cry and break down but i have a feeling if i become so much harder and i break it'll be on a larger scale than you guys have ever seen.. than something i myself have perhaps never seen before... i don't know. I don't want to lose myself... my true genuinely happy self. but i fear it'll be a losing battle. But even so.. dun give me looks of sympathy or hugs of encouragement. i don't need nor want them. Because I have to be strong to grow up and move on. I'm not strong enough yet... But don't worry, if i can't take it, I'll tell you guys about it. for now... i'm gonna deal with it my own way...

. Put your music player on shuffle.
2. Press forward for each question.
3. Use the song title as the answer to the question. And there you have it...

01 How does the world see me? Ain't no sunshine [tt's cheerfuk... >.<)
02 Will I have a happy life? kun shou zhi dou (fight of the trapped beast) [Life's a bitch amen..]
03 What do my friends really think of me? Notice me [i'm attention seeking? this just keeps getting better]
04 Do people secretly lust after me? maquerade[they fake lust after me? or they mask it? hmmm lol]
05 How can you be happy? zhi wo chui mian (self hynoptism)[wonderful... happiness by hynoptism]
06 What should I do with my life? wo yao kuai le (i want happiness) (uh. right)
07 Why must life be so full of pain? wo bi xiang xiang zhong ai ni (i love you more than i thought ) [rather apt]
08 Will I ever have children? dare you to move[ that will be no?]
09 Will I die happy? jue jiang (resilience)[i'll die fighting]
10 What is some good advice for me? zong jie gu dan (terminating loneliness)[tt's pretty good advice]
11 What is happiness? jin dou xia (many prawns???)(wtf??? my happiness is many prawns???)
12 What's my favourite fetish? I hope you dance
13 How will I be remembered? let me go [ok... they want to escape from me]
14 What is your love life like? shi jie mo ri (end of the world)[this is getting depressing]
15 What's your life motto? qian nian lei (thousand years of tears) [i'm officially depressed now lol]
16 What do your parents think of you? True [a lie.alie]
17 What's your favourite hobby? Lost in love [i wouldn't say it's a hobby but hell seems to be happening to me always]
18 What does your best friend really think of you? jian dan ai (simple love)[simple minded in love? hell yea.. dunno whether she thinks tt of me but i think iam...]
19 What's the worst thing about you? jie bo diao ( cannot get rid of the addiction)[i'm a &*$%#%#* addict now.. wonderful]
20 Describe your mind. Don't phunk with my heart [more or less]
21 How will you die? jiao wo di yi ming ( call me no. 1)[ok.... so i die when i'm no.1? tt's very sad]
22 How does your crush feel about you? Breakaway [o come on.... ]
23 What is your wedding going to be like? Get down tonight [woo much boogie.. and love... lol]
24 What about your honeymoon? The game feat. 50 cent [god i hate this song.. why is it even in my pod... growls]
25 Describe the last day of your life. Can it be with me [tt's not too bad]
26 Why does life suck? Girl next door [AMEN}
27 Why does life rule? The call (bsb) [what? it rules cause.. i'll cheat on someone and get found out or what?... weird...]
28 What will you be famous for? zhi zhu (content) [fair enough]
29 What's the craziest thing you'll ever do? Distance [most probably...]
30 Will you achieve your goals? sha shi bi ya de tain fen (shakesphere's talent) [ o well goodbye goals then... or who's got some pot to lend? lol]
31 What will your future job be like? In the morning [hmm... early morning job.. wonderful]
32 Your party life? Behind these hazel eyes [this sux0r}
33 Overall, will you be happy? zhi du ni shou (only say it to you) [hmmmm sneaky]
34 Or will you just deal with it? ting ni dao di (support you til the end) [ hmm.. okay....]


done.. alrites.. moral of the quiz i need to get me a new playlist and songs before i sink into depression lol... i lead a sad life and even my pod agrees with me

ahhh hugh grant <3 hehhe.. and i'm stepsis with emily.. hmm lol


and emily look at who my lover supposedly is? LOL... so bored... shloud be studying but just spent 4 hours playing trickster *gasp*.. feeling guilty now.. will go bathe then study....

Production has finally ended... lalalla.. hahha.. nwasn't too bad except for a few glitches but it was all cool.. thank you guys for coming to watch... cj drama.. rock on hahahha.... i'm bored now... woke up darn late cuz i forgot to put on my alram clock and i slept a lil late last nite... was out and only got home at 12.15.... binnie is so funny hahhaha.. okay super random entry this will be.. will end it with a random thing too...


EVERYONE HAS THEIR FIRSTS:

FIRST REAL BEST FRIEND: Angie.. i knew her since pri 1... :D
FIRST SCHOOL: some PAP nursery at blk 739 yishun
FIRST CELL PHONE: some butt ugly motorola phone i think
FIRST FUNERAL: no recollection
FIRST PET: A goldfish...
FIRST BIG TRIP: GOing to thailand when i was pri 3 i think
FIRST FIGHT: my bro?
FIRST CELEBRITY CRUSH: this is a hard one... possibly nick form BSB.. what? i was young hen.. it's ok to have bad taste when u're young.. I have so much better taste now *shifty eyes*
FIRST TIME OUT OF THE COUNTRY?: either to thailand or malaysia with my family....
FIRST JOB: Tutor
FIRST MYSPACE FRIEND: what on earth is myspace????

EVERYONE HAS THEIR LASTS:

LAST PERSON YOU HUGGED: Anisha... last night agter the production after our debrief i think.. it was a sorta hug i guess
LAST CAR RIDE: last night in the back seat >.<
LAST TIME YOU CRIED?: can't remember.. possibly 2 or 3 weeks... tears dun come now...
LAST MOVIE YOU WATCHED: Click
LAST FOOD YOU ATE: Cookies... i need to get some real food *growls*
LAST ITEM BOUGHT: does the bk double swiss mushroom set last night count? if not it's er tissue papers from yester yesterday for the make up crew...
LAST SHIRT WORN: My FCUK shirt.. now in my red op shirt...
LAST PHONE CALL: Pet telling me that binnie ps-ed me and tt he's at the bus stop now and is too scared to call me and my daisy broke (yes i'm still harping abt it.. hahahha)
LAST TEXT MESSAGE: LOL... to nats
LAST KISS: er.... july 8th angie's birthday on her cheek
LAST THING YOU TOUCHED: the keyboard my super old laptop my phone the table my hair my shirt take ur pick...
LAST FUNERAL: at my aunt-in-law's great great grandma's(i dunno) funeral this year
LAST TIME AT THE MALL: last nite doesn't count cuz we were basically just eating at bk which happen to be in the mall.. so.. er.... last week?
LAST TIME YOU WERE EXCITED FOR SOMETHING: Last night.. for the production hahha
LAST PERSON YOU SAW: My bro before i went to sleep last nite
LAST THING YOU DRANK: water last nite...
LAST PERSON THAT BROKE YOUR HEART: him... and someone else's who's hurting my heart
LAST TIME YOU WERE REALLY HONESTLY HAPPY? tt's a tough one... i can't place my finger on it... i've always been quite honestly happy.. but if u want the whole day being happy then... er... when i was last out with the group? or was there something later??? can't remember.... o wells nvm