Haven't updated in a long while. guess no one reads here anymore but o wells, I'm a mood type of writer as many people are... so yea... I should be asleep right now or doing my readings but i have this extreme urge to write, I think it's part of my procrastination system at work. So I'm going to write about love.

I think most of the people I know have heard me say these words before " They are not in love with each other, They are in love with love" I'm not sure how many people get it or they are just playing along with me. It's the concept of love that fascinates many people. The fact that there is someone out there meant for you and that you guys are meant to live your whole lives together through thick and thin. Someone to hold you when you feel like you're the only person left in this world. Someone to soothe your fears and irrationality away. Someone to snuggle up to and make everything ok. that someone that magical someone is out there waiting for you too. Doesn't that sound just plain amazing? I got to say, I've never been in a two-sided relationship before so me talking about love in the romantic sense has got to be the most hypocritical bullshit ever. But hey, my blog.. I get to crap when I wanna I guess.

Love or much rather the concept of love.. i have accused people of doing that before. but I am equally guilty of that. I am in love with love. It's such a beautiful and tempting concept that is so surreal. Some people have said that Love is the only extraordinary thing that a ordinary person can ever experience. I have dreamt many many times of love being in the purest form. of it being just two person holding hands and leaning their heads on each other til the end of time. I have always felt that the sweetest type of love was not for two young crazy in love people to boldly declare thier love for the world to know but much rather, 2 old people who can still hold hands and walk together and who are still so love wuth each other that they can't imagine not waking up to that same face every morning. But that love has a time limit. everyone dies. at any point of time, we could all drop dead for no particular reason. but for older people there is that constant reminder and i think it's really hard to move on when your partner leaves you. It's not the same as breaking up or divorcing... it's something much much sadder but inevitable. In time, that day will eventually come and your heart will break. The day that you or the other person will lose their lifetime companion and all you have left is a life time worth of memories. everything you have known reminds you of her.such a painful existence. but i guess that's what death does to people... young and old.. nothing ever really heals it. Time doesn't make it better. Time only teaches you how to cope better. to be a little stronger so that you dun break down in front of everyone when you talk about it. But it hurts.. and it will always hurt. there will be one day when we realise that we are starting to forget how even their laughter sounds like or the timbre of their voice or the way that they used to look at you. and you start to fear.. you fear that eventually you are going to forget this person the one person that was once so important to you... what do you do then? these are inevitable things in life...
Socrates said before that if you fear death, that means you know something more about it than anybody else. you can't fear the unknown unless you know what there is to fear about the unknown. but nobody knows what death is really... and that's why philosophers wonder all day long about god, the universe and the reason of things. I don't think I fear death.. but I fear dying. I fear people around me dying and leaving me all alone. i fear... a lot of things....


well look at that... I was suppose to write about something beautiful and happy and how I think I should work on my trust issues and really try hard this time to be a person worth loving (my original intent) but i ended up typing about death... I should stop being so morbid. I should try to be a happier person. Or maybe I can blame the nighttime again for my madness.. or maybe we are all half insane anyways.