o wells, first day of sch coming back since cny... bleah... i'm tired of school.. getting swamped but everyone's getting swamped too so no complains.. tml got napfa.. apologies to kass again for also having to bug her for tape.. sry kass! sigh everyone's been asking what do i wanna d in uni and everything.. truth is i dun really know.... honestly... I'm still groping about in the dark... whatever. i'm a procrastinator so be it.. * growls*

anyways, recently discovered these two website: myLot and DormCheck.They actually paid us to post discussion. Sweet. I will post the pictures of my earnings when i cashout the money.

I was hurting a while ago.. but as suddenly as it came, it was gone.... why did it even hurt e in the first place... it's supposed to be over... IT IS OVER! so why does it hurt? even if it is for a short while.... I'm not going back.. you can't make me.. i had wanted to keep u as a lovely memory... but i couldn't resist going to your blog and reading.... guess i asked for it in a way. And like the psat you fell ssick.. but this time u're really sick.... but you dun need me there anymore, you have her. She can make you smile, make you laugh, make you worry or even angry.. she is capable of making you change capable of affecting your emotions... capable of everything that I never was. I've always known that it wasn't possible for us.... I've always known and I've finally decided you're of the past and i need someone new but i always knew u'll have a place in my heart no matter what.. i just didn't realize that this part will still ache and beat for u......

You didn't do anything... you never had to.. it was me all along....

whatever, it's over.. wake up... it's over.......


I'm ok now.... i'm just going to lock this up

Just so you know-- Jesse Mccartney

I shouldn't love you but I want you
I just can't turn away
I shouldn't see you but I can't move
I can't look away

I shouldn't love you but I want you
I just can't turn away
I shouldn't see you but I can't move
I can't look away

And I don't know how to be fine when I'm not
'Cause I don't know how to make a feeling stop

[Chorus:]
Just so you know
This feeling's taking control of me
And I can't help it
I won't sit around, I can't let him win now
Thought you should know
I've tried my best to let go of you
But I don't want to
I just gotta say it all
Before I go
Just so you know

It's getting hard to be around you
There's so much I can't say
Do you want me to hide the feelings
And look the other way

And I don't know how to be fine when I'm not
'Cause I don't know how to make a feeling stop

[Chorus]

This emptiness is killing me
And I'm wondering why I've waited so long
Looking back I realize
It was always there just never spoken
I'm waiting here...been waiting here

[Chorus]

Ello, yes I know i know, long time no see right? O wells, figured all the emo must go away!

V'day came and went... happy happy.. cuz v'day's always celebrated in style in CJ with all the flower/chocs giving all the sweet people around, all the chocolate, notes, sweets, handmade goodies, hugs, tags etcetc. It was LOVE! Had fun the whole day running around tagging people and hugging them / getting hugs and talking to all the people I haven't taked to in months.. Everybody was siling.. then I got pms-sy towards the 2nd reak and te end of the day but all's still good. lub the drama pple cuz it was a short drama day.... :D then went out with doug, pet and emi to eat subway... Someone whom I shall dubbed BAMBOO-TSU spilled drinks over itself when IT knocked the drinks over with IT's sbway sandwich... the drinks went all over the pants resulting in me and emi having to source far east for pants.. we ended up getting skinny jeans and by george bamboo-tsu is super duper duper skinny.. hehhehheheh......

Went to do threading yesterday.. full face.. happy happy.. though my sideburns hurt.. ow... but the rest was ok.. ladidum happyhappy....

Today cj celebrated new year.. okok lor.. odac made me laugh til i cry... then went to watch epic movie.. funny and super sick hahhahaha..... now we all know what to give Ian for his b'day :D then walked around ps.. bought some stuf.. Im all broke again....

and it was good meeting all the ex-ai people last sat at the various open houses.. Esp, Gary... It's been too long guys.. it's been too long.. heheh

thank you lord for always letting me know that i have friends with me.. and that my troubles are insignificant comparatively......

thank you guys

Some things you just can't put into words but you know how it feels like. <---- Pet's qoute of the day

That can be applied to so many things can't it? So many so many things, sometimes you just know yet you can't say.. some people will know some people won't.. and some will never ever know.... then again I'm not making much sense now am I?

Running... why do people like running so much? Maybe it's the feeling of speed. With just your plain raw body working. like you feel free like you can fly if u ran fast enough. Maybe it's the whole feeling of feeling alive, you feel your heart pumping, your blood cruising, the air as it hits your lungs, the way you body slips onto auto pilot as you get into the momentum and your mind starts to wander. The way the wind your way blows your hair back and you feel your muscles throbbing but you just wanna keep going. At first you'll feel a little shagged, then slowly your body strengthened along with your mind and adrenaline kicks in and you feel stronger and as you run you feel happier almost like you can run all your troubles away and you pick up speed faster and faster and faster til you finally drop to the ground. Exhausted but happy and you feel your sweat trickling down to the ground, your body flush red in order to expel all the heat generated and you just lie on the ground..... happy....


I tried to look for that today, after chem extra lesson. I even put on my stinky pe shirt..... i tried to run all my troubles away... I tried to look for the happy exhaustion today... i found nothing but empty screaming.... hollow empty sinking... maybe it's just pms.... or maybe becausse i didn't drive myself hard enough.. I intended to but my body failed me... and I wanted to be alone.... But today no matter where i go.... people always found me..... In the end, I had to go the toilet to wash my face and put on a happy facade as I joined the others. It happened after PE during break too.... but i had my class then... i lub them... always taking my troubles away by being so clueless that even I can be clueless about the lurking troubles in my subconscious. ....... But by the end of the day, I was happy... maybe our emo see saw worked? or maybe because binni and doug are too hiliarous and I laugh everything away.... Doug said he dun wanna live in this place... said he wanna be a politician or something then can change the world.... i told him I didn't want to live at all... he laughed and ask whether I'm adapting his policy of better to die faster.... i laughed...... It's not that I dun appreciate life. I do and I'm grateful for being alive each day. for seeing the people that I see. But i dun mond going. I dun mind going. Maybe it's cowardice... and it's highly likely to be... I can be brave about everything else but not that.......I'm just a coward hiding behind a strong facade who's unable to face up to Life......