1T01, I miss you... for real

Final fantasy

hey petg, remember i was telling about some summoning and sending of spirits ritual in ffx? it's inside here it's the scene where she walks onto the water.... weird music tho('''-_-) very weird......

This is a nicer vid


Myfav. vid to date... but uber weird spanish music as bg


ok turns out all 3 vids has the water scene...

Recieved something like the final list .. yep ican't promote... But I'm ok.. Maybe I'm stupid maybe I'm in denial or maybe I'm delusional? I Dunno ... .Thank you Anisha Nette Fiona KahMing and petT. I'm sorry that I brushed you guys off and i asked you guys to not touch me.I'm sorry. But I dunno I cannot bear to let myself fall apart then.. My pride i guess. i want to be ok so i just needded time on my own. I appreciated you guys but I had to convince myself that I am ok in order for me to move on and i just can't do that when pple are giving me hugs of sympathy and encouragement ad looks of pity or concern. I'm sorry but I just can't. i love you guys but when growing up I've grown to be harder and lock myself away so much so that I seem to be unconcerned about myself and appears to others as a strong person. But locking myself away means i have to lock that part from myself as well.. So I just keep swallowing and swallowing so deep that I can't can't find that part of me anymore. I killed myself in a desperate plea to stay sane and keep my pride. i have already broken down too many times this year. Too many. If anything my pride is the only thing i have now. In case you guys dunno this is the leo part of me talking now. if anything i have to stay strong and be strong so that I can defend the others that I care for. To catch them when they fall. To be right there even if i have no words of comfort I'm not good with words of comfort. i was brought up in a tradional chinese family, i was brought up in a predominantly male environment. I have always learnt that I have to be manly when treating my relationships That whatever happens I have to pick myself up and move on with or without anybody there for me. maybe that's why I'm never good with words of comfort. If you cry i won't ask you not to cry, i'll ask you to cry it all out and if need be, I'll cry with you and for you. but I'll tell you that after the tears we still have to move on because sadly enough the world doesn't stop because of our tears. Problems don't jsut go away by them selves. No matter how unwilling you are, you just have to take all the crap that life gives you and suck it all up and move on. I'm a believer in fate and I believe my fate lies in the big man above. I believe he has a plan for me and that he will lead me to it. So between now and then i can only pray for his patience love preserverence and kindness and trudge on ahead. Problems will not disappear if you run away. They just grow bigger and you have to face them one day cuz they'll come crashing down and dragging you down with them.
Yes i know I still have the rest of you guys t catch me as i fall... Thank god for all of you.. i love you guys lots...

running screaming sounds of pain
heaving breathless thoughts of escape
No way out no where to go
Turn around and hide behind your strong facade
and become the person you always hate

I'm sorry that I cannot always be there for you because I have to be there for myself cuz no one else is

HAPPY BIRTHDAY NICOLAS CHEW!


AYE! You finaally joined the ranks of 17 years olds today! P.s. you remember this photo? LOL
Let's see what can i say abt nicky here? Nic's an pretty much an amazing guy >=) and the group most definately would not be the group without him.. Nic to us is known as the satanist ( I kid I kid)... I knew nic since sec 2? but only got to know him better in sec 3 and 4. It was him who started the group's daily breakfast thing. It was him who hosted the monopoly sessions and reintroduced the boogie back into our lives thru the blues brothers, saturday night fever etc. He's the one who introduced CAD and RVB to us. When i first knew nic, he was pretty anti... we didn't speak much... Never did i imagine that we would become friends that i can share with him all my thoughts and stuff and we'll all .. I dunno how to say.. cuz the friendship between the group is something i cannot describe.. But One thing i know for sure that nic is definately one to count upon to be a true friend to the end. Though he mite not give u the best advice cuz to him he no give no damn haha.. he's a cynic and all but what he says really brings you back to reality and you'll find strength to preservere cuz no matter what he says.. he's there for you.. *mushy mode* heh.. anyway Nic is a friend that i never regret hanging out with , he's a cool dude with a wraped perception of life >.< but o wells.. underneath it all he's a nice dude... Nic Chew... Happy birthday and ultimately i guess what i wnna say is that continue being you dun change cuz you rock.. hehe and yes u're not getting any presents this year hahha.. Let's meet up for a drink soon? and go ice skate I miss ice skating! hahha

*Warning Long post ahead*
ello.. haven't really been blogging much... have been too lazy etc etc....
well let's see what did i do these few days shall we?
Monday
H1 exam was pretty ok.. went with my classmates to walk ard.. was supposed to go shopping but i wasn't in the mood so i left them to it while me nette fiona and nat went walking all ard... after aimless time wasting we all decided to go vivo city! toy'r'us was damn fun! super huge and fun.. kept crashing into display counters cuz we were busy dodging from each other LOL...
Tuesday
after chinese mock, went out with the usual.. can't remember what we di tho.. i think we ate and talked cock as usual LOL....
Wednesday
Got back results.. everybody was depressed mass break down at stairwell... mass breakdown on a huge scale ... bad day for almost everyone... still had to go for drama... but before that i still had to dopw... me and jw both rather worried... waited for mr chan to come with exco results...waited for nothing... was emo-ey and upset tore myself into little bite size pieces outsde LT2...and a little pissed... nat lost her phone and pod...went ard searching for it.. felt damn bad when i couldn't go back with her to sch to find it....
Thursday
called operator service.. got pissed..... went to the trinity statue pond outside the gates to cool off... ended up taing my anger out at the koi.. there's this humongously fat white koi with a red dot on the head.... yep that was the victim of my insults...
exco results came out
president: Binni (rock on)
Vp(for j2):Rinda
Vp(for j1): unknown yet
Secretary: Timothy
Treasurer: Alicia (Sean's old post LOL)
Publicity Head:Pet G
Stage Manager: Pet T
after drama wento j8 walked all over the place to help nat find phone.. efforts were futile.. went with nat petg and ali to police post to make a report... had a long talk with ali... met some kid at the playground kinda cute kept on saying bye to me and ali... even when she got onto the car.. teehee...
Friday
J2s graduation ceremony therefore we 've got no school.. came to school to find pet g and emi originally wanted to meet my group mates for pw as well but shit happens...walked to mass with pet g doug and emi met up with marian and ali there.... we were late for mass cuz we screwed up the timing... so sat for half a mass then my phone rang... awkward!... went into the church after the mass for a little while. Kneeled down and talked to the great man above, creator of all things good and pure... aye. after mass went to united square's toy'r'us to get fangs and tridents and horns and brromsticks for dressing up. Bought ben and jerry's while the rest went for mini melts?!! i'll take b&j anyday man.. my fav. twosome... kinky LOL...was pretty subdued after mass... talking to ali again abt i forgot wat.... I was kinda off acc. to them but to me i was just in zen. For once since a long long time I wasn't waging wars on myself... I was at peace.... then went to sch had drama and went home and apologized to my mom for being an irritable bitch on thurs night.
Saturday
CJ's open house.... came school early with pet g... set up booth and all then everyone else came then we went to do our make up and everything.. we looked cool... everybody was freaked... me and pets were vampires marian and ali were devils emily was a slytherin student (she looked dang like it) Doug and Ian and Jen were goth... Roy was a part time ninja.. Binni decided to be a peasant... Hana was an earth fairy the rest i had no idea what they were goth maybe? we cam whored a lot a lot ran everywhere freaked out teachers and grossed out our fellow thespians by spiting out our fangs and our saliva in the process(me and pet t) OPPS sorry guys... had a hard time drinking talking and everything fangs were really uncomfortable... got a little pissed later on in the day and that sucked up all my energy... wanted to go LT2 to sleep.. first thing i saw was van ann and some dud then i decided that backstage is gd back stage got couch ... pulled the curtains saw liang and ali ... turned and left... ended up snoozing at the booth for a while.. emi was emo.... aye... went to eat lunch and do a lil pw discussion and freak my team mates out with my vampire attire. i growled at bro.paul, mr tan, mr Mtan, mr poh ms smith mdm goh(she's so cute) and mr nathan... not forgetting random pple and camwhoring in front of the camerasLOL... went to watch the gym's performance and it was honestly quite gd then stayed on for the saxists(bobby was performing) and choir... When it came for bro's paul speech, it was damn funny... half of the people stood up and left in a hurry.. myself included.. it was pretty hilarious.....after open house went to taka's yoshi with roy pets emi doug nat binni jen and Ian... sucked in helium and had so much fun with it amazingly the helium didn't affect doug and roy..Ian's voice was still the funniest LOl.. then they went pool and i headed home cuz tot i was gg out to have b'day dinner for my bro.. turns out, they postponed it to tml.. went home early for nothing.. but it was good la.. I was dang tired, was snoozing on the trian ride home...
Still at peace with myself i think i may be able to face tt sheet of paper soon...

Don't worry abt me.. I'm slow so it'll take a few days to sink in... so dun worry abt me now
be strong guys we can only wait and pray and see.... be strong

age test? lol
[] I know how to make a pot of coffee
[x] I can do my own laundry
[x] I can cook for myself
[x] I do my chores after being told once (sometimes)
[x] I sometimes do my homework/work
[x] I actually enjoy intellectual conversations
[x] I think politics is exciting
[] My parents and grand-parents have better things to say than my peers
total: 6
[] I show up for school/work every dayunless I'm sick (you're kidding rite?)
[] I always carry a pen in mypocket/purse
[x] I watch talk shows
[] I know what incredibility means without lookingit up
[] I drink black coffee
total: 1
[x] I know how to run the dish washer or dothe dishes
[x] I can count in more than onelanguage
[] I can mow the lawn (what lawn? hdb man)
[] I can wash the car eventhough i don't own one
[] I can make adults laugh... without makingmyself look stupid
[x] I remember to water my plants
[x] I study when I have to
[x] I pay attention at school/work(sometimes)
[x] I remember to feed my pets.
[] I'm generally organized
total:6
[x] I can spell experience without the help of a dictionary
[x] I clean up my own messes
[] The first thing I do when I wake up is get coffee
[x] I can go to the store without getting something Idon't need
[x] I understand jokes the first time they are said
[x] I can type quickly, because I type every day
total: 5
[] My choice in clothing is acceptable in anoffice or something like that.
[x] I can watch politics and laugh(Taiwan!)
[] I have realized that the weather forecastchanges every hour
[] I have realized that no one will take youseriously unless you are over the age of 25 andhave a job
[x] I can read a book and actually finish it
[x] People have said that I look older than I am(when i was younger... now they say i look younger than i am)
total: 3
Grand Total: 21 years old

You scored as Journalism. You are an aspiring journalist, and you should major in journalism! Like me, you are passionate about writing and expressing yourself, and you want the world to understand your beliefs through writing. Journalism 75% Chemistry 58% Biology 58% Dance 58% English 58% Sociology 58% Theater 58% Anthropology 58% Art 58% Psychology 58% Linguistics 33% Philosophy 25% Mathematics 25% Engineering 25% What is your Perfect Major? (PLEASE RATE ME!!<3) created with QuizFarm.com

Thanks dude... for listening to me whine that night.. though it was short but i seriously appreciated it... especially touched when u actually bothered to call... you really helped... you did... dunno if u'll see this but if u do i'll say thank you for one more time... I normally detach myself emotionally when opening up to people cuz i feel really uncomfortable.. so u could tell that when i started off i was hesitant and uneasy... then emotions caught hold of me and i started to cry.. i'm sorry if i freaked u out...just wanna say I'm all better now... and that i really appreciated it.... thanks dude....

la vita non è stata significata mai per essere questo duro e gli amici sono stati supposti di essere per sempre

This isn't really an update.. more like a filler... sorry guys no mood.. will do photolog abt Sentosa soon


TEN EMOTIONS.
1. are you missing someone right now: no.. not really...
2. are you happy: no.. but i'll survive.. i always do
3. are you talking to anyone right now: online chatting
4. are you bored: very
5. are you german: nope
6. are you brazilian: i wish
7. are you french: seriously now
8. are you Italian: Asian dang it
9. are your parents still married: yep
10. do you like someone right now: no... not anymore

TEN FAVORITES.
1. televison show: Dunno...
2. flower: Yellow roses and sunflowers
3. color: red and black
4. sport: Swimming
5. mall: no preference
6. music: too many
7. food: dunno
8. drink: green tea
9. animal: Horses/ dogs
10.country: Italy/ Japan / taiwan/ england

TEN FACTS.
1. hometown: formerly yishun now sembawang
2. hair color: black
4. hair length: shoulder length
5. eye color: dark brown to black (pick a shade)
6. shoe size: 7.5
7. mood: mostly cheery but rather unpredictable
8. orientation: straight definately
9. available?: yea
10. lefty/righty: righty

TEN THINGS ABOUT YOUR LOVE LIFE.
1. been in love: yea.. sorta
2. believe in love: i guess
3. been heartbroken: amen
4. broken someone's heart?: once.. or twice.... then again i always break my parents' hearts i think
5. fallen for your friend?: it always starts with firends cuz i don't believe in seriously "loving" someone whom u dunno really
6. liked someone but never told them: ha..ha..ha ... yea... i'll never say it to him anyway
7. are you afraid of commitment: a little
10. have you ever had a secret admirer: yea

TEN THINGS: THIS OR THAT.
1. love or lust: love
2. hard liquor or beer: anything works you know me...
3. night or day: both works just fine
4. one night stands or relationships: relationships
5. WHERS 5?: hmm?
7. wild night out or romantic night: romantic night
8. colored pictures or black and white: both are nice
9. phone or in person: both works
10. aim or myspace: neither

TEN HAVE Y0U EVER.
1. been caught sneaking out: er... kinda a couple of times
2. skinny dipped: nah
3. done something you regret: hasn't everyone?
4. bungee jumped: i wanna
5. been on a boat: yeap
6. finished an entire jaw breaker : hell yea
7. wanted someone so badly it hurt: yea
8. been caught by yr parents with a hickey?: never had one
9. danced in the rain?: played in before ... so close enough
10. loved your ex while you were in a new
relationship?:neva had one